I google searched my future...

...and found out I will become a hardened, hairy, gruff man. YES!

Typical Thursday

Don came in to my office this morning and told me we were going to switch microprocessors again for the fourth time in two months. I tried to be a gentleman about the news.

"What in God's Holy shithole are you trying to pull with all this microprocessor swapping?" I asked politely.

"I am having trouble with the new compiler so I thought we'd try another brand," replied Don dumbshit-bastardly.

He sent me a datasheet on the new microprocessor, and a list of what pins he wanted to use as I/O.

I used his address on a dozen internet porn sites, then photoshopped his head onto a man taking sex from a goat and mailed it to his wife.

Typical Tuesday

Today Stanley came into my office with a giant booger hanging from his nose. It was the slimy, white-ish kind of booger that looked like it could have been used as ooze in a movie. The kind of snot that you can slowly pull out of your nose and wind around a tissue and actually feeeeel the snot being pulled out from back in your sinus cavity.

Anyway, Stanley came into my office today with this giant slug of a booger hanging from his nose and I just couldn't take it. I reached behind me to the little library of reference books I have stored there and grabbed my heavy "Error Control Coding: Fundamentals and Applications" book and whisked it at Stan's head. I threw hard. The corner of the book connected with Stanley's cheek, and he let out a silly yelp and stumbled backwards and hit his head on the wall of the hallway and then said "Shit, Oh God" and covered his face in his hands.

I wasn't born to put up with this kind of abuse. I pushed my computer monitor off my desk, put on my sunglasses, and left my office, having to step over Stanley's legs as I went out.